


Dear Danny

by Narkito



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, half of a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 08:25:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3889360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narkito/pseuds/Narkito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is not the same man than when he started. He's matured, with age and experience he's gotten wiser. In touch with some of his emotions, enough that he can finally open up to his people, to this little group of misfits he calls ohana. But the job hasn't changed, the job doesn't care about his personal growth, the job at its very core requires him to remain unchanged and unaffected by time and situations. And what can he possibly do about that? He's going to fuck it up, that's what.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Danny

**Author's Note:**

> There are NO spoilers for any episode in here. Sorry for the angst fest.

Dear Danny,  
I would like to start this letter by saying that I am sorry. I am _so_ sorry. I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I didn't get to apologize in person. I'm sorry for all the things I said, but especially for those that were left unsaid.

I know you know that my duty lies with the Navy, but my heart belongs to you and that was something I should've made abundantly clear from the beginning.

I'm sorry I had to go on this mission –to be completely honest, I didn't want to do it; I didn't want to leave you behind with barely more than a "it's classified " for an explanation, however as I said before, my duty lies here and if at any point I allowed my resolve to falter, things would've gotten much harder for me and I don’t think I would’ve been able to do my job with the kind of focus it demands. I'm sorry I hurt you so I could do what needed to be done. I was a jerk and dishonest, and for that I apologize.

As of today, my biggest regret is that I won't be able to tell you once again how much I love you, that this letter won't reach you and that the last words I said to you were more a reflection of the armor I had to put on in order to do this, than how I truly feel for you.

Danno, I love you, and that's one thing I'll never be sorry for.

Always yours,  
Steve.

\---

It's an idle Tuesday and he's sitting at his desk when the call comes. A part of him has been waiting for this call, while the other part refuses to process the words that are coming from the other end of the line. He only listens to half of what Steve’s CO has to say, getting stuck on three little words that he already knows will haunt him for years to come: _missing—in—action_.

He must have stood up at some point, or started shouting or maybe he actually called Chin over, because Chin gets into his office without knocking, takes over the call and nods with intent and asks all the right questions, meanwhile, he only has enough energy to slide against the glass panel until his body sags and doubles over his hands, burying himself in them, repeating over and over again. This can't be possible, oh, _god, no_.

\---

Danny gets home an hour ahead of schedule and is glad to see the lights are on, which can only mean Steve’s home too. He takes the stairs in a stride after dropping his keys on the table, already thinking about dinner because, hey, he’s famished.

Steve’s in their bedroom, carelessly shoving clothes into a duffel bag.

“Why are you packing, babe? We going somewhere special that you forgot to tell me about?”

Steve falters and takes half a second too long to answer and that’s all it takes Danny to let the surroundings sink in. Steve’s uniform is laid on a chair near the window, his combat boots are out and the duffel bag is not his usual. His stomach clenches and he feels stupid for not noticing before.

“Steve, what’s going on?”

Steve resumes his packing but doesn’t say a word, barely sparing a glance in Danny’s direction. Danny leans into the door frame gearing up for a fight. They’ve gotten to a place where all fights (the few serious ones they have) follow a very similar script in the way they start; one of them recoils like a spring, and the other just braces himself for round one.

Nothing happens.

“Steve?”

He leans further into the door frame until his forehead is practically grinding the edges, the urge to cry in outrage almost too hard to contain.

It isn’t until Steve’s done shoving clothes into the bag that he speaks.

“You knew from the moment we got together that this could happen, Danny.” He’s puffing his chest, asking Danny to rise to the challenge.

“When you leaving?” Asks Danny, arms crossed over his chest, and once again, Steve takes too damn long to answer and Danny just knows. It’s like being hit by a freight train from all sides, his guts churn and turn, hot and cold, but he can’t do cold, he only knows how to do hot; angry and angrier, so he goes with what he knows. “Goddammit, Steven, what shade of asshole are you?! You fucking animal! You weren’t even going to tell me?!” He gesticulates wildly, partly afraid that if he gets too close he might actually punch the bastard. “Answer me!”

“I have to go, Danny, I have no choice, I have to go.”

Said bastard has the poor taste of changing into fatigues right through the fight, which doesn’t end until he’s walking out the door throwing a five-year relationship into the trash with a few choice words, but nothing more memorable than: _if you can’t do this, I think it’s the best you’re not here when I get back._

Danny halts, dumbfounded and has to support himself on the couch as he watches the love of his life walk out on him.

\---

Several months later, after going through what felt like seven dozen grueling stages of grief (mostly denial), he gets a message from Kono to get his ass to HQ; Steve’s been found. He drives all the way back to work to the steady beat of his heart: _he’s alive, he’s alive_.

Turns out his asshole of an ex-boyfriend somehow managed to get caught doing something extremely illegal in Kandahar, in order to shut down a terrorist cell only a few people in charge know about. They only know about him because a journalist also happens to have fallen victim to the same group of insurgents and they’re holding them together. A team has already been tasked with the extraction. Talk about _luck_. (It is fine, he’s fine, he’s worked through his shit, he’s walked the steps, he can half-joke about this stuff now. He’ll be fine, and maybe if he keeps repeating it to himself, he’ll get to a point where he actually is fine).

Once a serious number of favors have been called in, all the strings pulled, and they’re indebted with a handful of high seats of various agencies, they have a good picture of what’s going on. Most important fact is that he’s alive; secondly, he’s stable enough to remain alive through proper treatment. Thirdly, he won’t get to Hawaii for another couple of weeks, the longest couple of weeks to ever be experienced.

\---

When the plane finally lands, Danny is doing his best to keep it together; it had taken almost a full week for the news to be processed and digested by his system and then he had to run around _Steve’s_ house, putting his stuff together to finally move out, and how he wished he could’ve gotten a new apartment or anything in just a couple of days, or that he could afford to check in at a decent hotel, because even though he’s happy Steve’s coming home, he also knows that once the good happy feeling wears out things are going to be awkward as hell. At first he thought he would only have to stew on his ass for a couple of weeks until Steve came back and then they would have a proper fight; Danny would let him have it and walk out with his forehead held high. But then weeks turned into a month without a word from anyone, and then it was two months, and nobody in the business would tell him anything, and then the call came and all the anger in the world wouldn’t help him get up in the mornings. It’s ten months later and the plane’s wheels are down, screeching its way to a stop.

When Steve walks out of the plane he’s but a shadow of his former self, he’s clean shaven, has a few stitches on his forehead and his hair is cut to the maximum expression of regulation, but he’s not all there, he’s not there on the way he walks, on the way he won’t settle his sights on anything in particular, on the slackness of his face, expressionless.

When Kono puts a lei around his neck and tugs him close to kiss his cheek with tears on her eyes, and Chin claps him around the back, there’s a small spark behind Steve’s eyes that quickly translates into sadness and shiny wetness around his eyes. Danny hangs back unsure of what to do until Steve looks up at him and silently asks for a hug.

Once they get Steve home, he takes his sweet time changing into civilian clothes and by the time he walks down the stairs, his house is filled with friends that are happy to see him. Even Grace makes an appearance and Steve finds it incredible that he missed almost eleven months of Grace’s stories and giggles. Danny takes this moment as an opportunity to go get his bag and quietly put it in his car, in the end Rachel had taken pity on him and offered her home until he could find something more suitable.

When Danny enters the spare room there’s an envelope on top of his bag that says “Danno”, so he sits down on the bed at takes the letter out. It’s nothing more than an old dirty piece of paper, but Steve’s handwriting is immediately recognizable on it.

> _“Dear Danny,  
>  I would like to start this letter by saying that I am sorry. I am _ so _sorry. I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I didn't get to apologize in person. I'm sorry for all the things I said, but especially for those that were left unsaid…”_

It’s a punch to the gut and Danny feels heavy and fixed to the spot, even after Steve comes in and sits beside him.

Steve slides an arm around Danny’s shoulders and hangs to him for dear life. Danny can’t reciprocate the hug because he’s too busy sobbing behind his hands, one and only thought repeating itself in a loop in his head. _He’s back, thank you, god, he’s back._


End file.
